In Memory of Kathy

As many of the family that could gathered at Grandma Miller's on Saturday, February 28th to begin what would be a memorial service for Kathy.  We knew Mom wouldn't be able to go to the cemetery and wanted her to be as much a part of things as possible.  Darla and her family, Tim and Charles, Carolyn (she had come in after the news of Kathy's death to stay with Mom a couple weeks), Agnes, Sherman, Steve, Lori & her fam, Bryce & his fam, and Blake & Lauren, and Joe & me were there.  Mandy had planned to come in, but her flight was cancelled the night before.

It was good for that many of us to be able to be together, even under such sorrowful circumstances.  We visited, shared memories, looked at some old pics, and had lunch together.  Then, all of us except Grandma, of course, Bryce & his family, Patrick and the boys, and Steve met at Mt. View Cemetery.  Tracy & her fam joined us there, along with Brett. Kathy's body had been cremated in Kingsport and Tim had brought her ashes to be buried beside Daddy.  

It was a very private gathering with a few pictures of Kathy displayed.  Darla read some poetry that Kathy had written and shared some thoughts and scripture verses that were special to her.  I shared some thoughts and memories, as well.  Joe offered a prayer at the end.  Darla, Max, & Crew helped to fill the small grave.  Before doing so, Darla placed some things Kathy had kept in memory of Susan into the grave with her.  So touching.

After that most of us walked over to Susan's grave to place some flowers there similar to what was placed on Kathy's grave.  We visited and shared more memories.  After that, we went back to Kathy's grave, and all toll, we were at the cemetery for about two hours - much longer than we had anticipated.  The weather was milder than we had expected, and the sun even came out for a while.  And, it was just simply good to be together.

Here is one of the poems Darla shared:

God's Reply

I've created a world of beauty - just for you

And I've given you the eyes to see

I even change the seasons

So you'd know -- it came from ME.

I've given you a place to call home

A place to raise your family

I've taken care of you, all these years

So you'd know -- it came from ME.

I've comforted you, when you weren't well

I've stood by you tirelessly

I've picked you up when you were down

So you'd know -- that it was ME.

I've drawn near in troubled times

And I've held you, so tenderly

I've lifted the burdens from your heart

So you'd know -- that it was ME.

I've given you all my love

A love to last eternally

I've made it an undying, perfect love

So you'd know -- it came from ME.

I've walked beside you down the path

Hand in hand when you were so lonely

I've wiped away all your tears

So you'd know -- that it was ME.

I've sent my loving Son to die for you

And He did, so willingly

I brought Him forth from the dead

So you'd know -- that it was ME.

I've left the door to Heaven open

And I'll wait fo you patiently

For when you see Me, in all My Glory

You will know -- that it is ME.

My dear child, you do not have to fear

I've only wanted you to see

That when you really need a friend

You can always count on ME.

Kathryn Ruth Overbay

12 November 1985

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I had wanted to read the following before sharing some memories, but got too choked up to do so.  Joe read the words made famous by Barbara Streisand for me:

The Way We Were

Mem'ries,

 Light the corners of my mind

Misty water-colored memories

Of the way we were.

Scattered pictures,

Of the smiles we left behind,

Smiles we gave to one another

For the way we were.

Can it be that it was all so simple then?

Or has time re-written every line?

If we had the chance to do it all again

Tell me, would we?  Could we?

Mem'ries, may be beautiful and yet,

What's too painful to remember

We simply choose to forget.

So it's the laughter

We will remember

Whenever we remember

The way we were.

- Alan and Marilyn Bergman - 

*************************

After that, I shared an excerpt from a letter Kathy wrote me in July 2001, but for a reason I'll never know, never sent to me.  Oh, how I wish she had!  Darla found it and sent it to me a little while back.  I'm not sure how many pages there were, but all Darla found were the last three.  She also found and sent me a short letter Kathy had written to me with a couple pictures.  It wasn't dated.  This is the excerpt I shared that is missing the first part of the sentence that was on the previous missing page:

. . . we each have had, will never change the real & everlasting truth of our love for each other.


Some of the things I shared:


There is a 10 year difference in mine and Kathy's ages,
and before you knew it I was a bratty kid
and Carolyn and Kathy were teenagers.
Not a good mix.

My Reese Cup Revenge
Kathy's cure for my hiccups
Always thinking my spot was in the middle of everything going on
My hair - a battle Kathy always won - 
sometimes she pulled it back so tightly I could hardly blink.

I thought she was beautiful.

After she married, there were trips to Chattanooga with mama and daddy-
and one I remember when Miss Daisy and Ammon were there, too.

Later, there were trips to Kingsport.
I remember riding in the back seat of a big yellow car with a bunch of clothes
and a Persian cat (Tinker) when the move to Kingsport was made.
I remember staying in a hotel in downtown Kingsport until an apartment was found.
That little girl from Spencer thought she was really uptown in downtown Kingsport!

I remember her anguish when Susan died.
I remember my surprise that I could love someone so much
that I didn't even get the chance to know.

After that, there were summer trips to Kingsport, and I would stay a couple weeks.
Kathy would take me shopping
and we'd have lunches at home of sandwiches and TWIG snack crackers.
Funny, the things you remember.

I remember her exquisite joy when Tim and Darla were born.
And oh, how I loved them, too.  I loved when they would all come for visits.

I remember when they came after my Julee was born.
I was so awestruck after Julee fell asleep while Kathy was holding her,
and Kathy put her in her little crib.
  Kathy's movements were so tender and fluid and gentle.
Julee never knew she had been moved.

And then life became crazy busy.
At that time, there was no texting or facebooking.
Only lots of miles between us, long distance calling, and the USPS.

Choices were made that I couldn't understand.
Some that hurt her and those she loved.
But I tried to remind myself that I had not walked in her shoes
and knew precious little of what her life was like.

We did write some.  She would write poems and send me.
She would occasionally come for short visits.
The last time she was home was when June died.

Her health deteriorated.  She began to reach out to us again
and we didn't hesitate to reach back.

After her cancer treatments,
and the subsequent pneumonia that exacted such a terrible price,
Agnes, Carolyn, and I went to see her in the hospital.
Tim met us in the lobby and took us to her room.
  She was sitting in a chair and was so very uncomfortable.
 Tim left after a while to go back to work,
 and some of the staff helped her get back into bed.
It was quite an ordeal.
Once she was back in bed and much more comfortable, we could finally visit.
Love was expressed and relationships began to be healed.
That was in 2011.

Other visits, too few and far between, took place in the nursing home.

There was one with Agnes and Carolyn.
The other visits I had with her, I was alone.  I always took her flowers.
Each time her ability to communicate was less,
so the visits became mostly me just sitting beside her bed.
The last time I was there, she smiled and blinked at me once.
I interpreted that as "I love you."

There were years and miles and too much lost time between us.
But in the beginning there was love,
and in the end there was love.

 Beloved, let us love one another:  for love is of God;
and every one that loveth is born of God, and knoweth God.
He that loveth not knoweth not God;
for God is love.
 (1 John 4:7-8)


It was a sweet and tender day.  I hope she felt our love.

Kathryn Ruth Miller passed away in Kingsport, TN on February 14, 2015 after a long illness.  She was 67 years old.  She was a native of Spencer, TN and graduated from Van Buren County High School.  Writing poetry was her life passion

.

She was born October 9, 1947 to Arthur and Edna Miller.  She is survived by her mother and her children, Tim Rhinehart of Kingsport, TN; Darla Hartlage (Josh) of Louisville, KY, and their two children, Max and Crew.

She is also survived by three sisters, Agnes Simmons (Sherman) of McMinnville, TN; Carolyn McBride (Aubrey) of Galesburg, MI; and Deborah Moffitt (Joe) of McMinnville, TN.  Several nieces and nephews also survive.

She was preceded in death by her father; an infant daughter, Susan; her brother, Charles; and her sister, June Boren.   

A family memorial service was held at her mother’s home in Spencer and at Mt. View Cemetery in McMinnville, TN where she was laid to rest near her father and daughter on February 28, 2015.

The family would like to ask that you give your family members a hug today and reflect upon one of Kathy’s poems:

Feel the breezes blow

Hear the raindrops fall

Then look toward Heaven

And thank God for it all

Listen to the birds sing

Hear the children laugh and play

And smile your way through life

Every single day